Homecoming...

This past summer was a complete blur and the ultimate lesson in patience, perseverance, and the importance of timing. I only just last night realized that I haven't written anything here since February and so many important things have happened. I'll nutshell it. School for me wrapped up in May...the last of my pre requisites, with the exception of physics (more on that later, as I am in my own personal conceptual physics hell right now). Summer kicked into gear for Miles and Sam in June...we packed in a ton including Sam's first, day camp experience (a roaring success), M traveled with his dad, stepmom and little brother and sister...so lots of beach time, sea kayaking, his first time surfing and as much parkour as possible...the kid amazes me. On top of that we celebrated birthday month (July) with 8, 16, and 40 trips around the sun, respectively. It was a big summer...and now here we all in the midst of fall.

School has begun for all three of us, Evan is our rock working diligently and providing truckloads of support and encouragement. Sam couldn't love school more...he is still the happiest kid I know and he is enhancing his school experience by joining the chorus. I can't think of one day when our little songbird hasn't walked through our house singing. I love seeing him stretch his wings and finding joy in the things that he loves. Junior year of high school is a grind and I can't say that M is finding any joy in it...other than when he's in his art or photography class. But I do see him making time for the things that he loves the most...film, open gym time for parkour practice, his friends and really, just being a kid. It's all fleeting and it makes me happy to see that he's living in the moment and enjoying 16.

And me...I made it. I am finally immersed in my program of study...my future, and all that I can say is that it feels like coming home. I loved the nursing program that I was in, some twenty plus years ago. I was good at it...it felt like where I should be. I would have been a really good nurse. And now I will strive to become a really good PTA. Healthcare is where I should be and I feel my heart, mind...and I'll go as far as the universe, confirming that for me in these past couple of years. More so in these past few months though. It's a brave new world and despite a handful of meltdowns last week, I am embracing the challenges one by one. Aside from my school schedule, every day is different. I am sitting by myself, at Panera, midday while I write this and that makes me feel giddy. I love the change. Even when it's scary, I know that I am grounded, loved, supported and capable of pulling this off. I am empowered.

Junior year

Second grade

College...round two.

Entrenched and happy.

The very best year for a fresh start, in my humble opinion.

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time. That's my new mantra. This day has the potential to become one big, spiraling, panic inducing, clustercuss. I made lunches at 1 am, studied medical terminology until 2, squeezed in a teeny bit of shut-eye, took my med term quiz at 6, woke Miles up at 6:30, accidentally spilled coffee on his rug, made scones at 6:45, read a book with Sam at 7, showered, dressed, banged my knee on the coffee table as I ran through the living room, and rolled into work at 8. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I am exhausted and in PMS overdrive, so here's how I'm going to play it...

War paint...check.

Theme song playing on continuous loop in my head all day long...check.
I am going to kick this day in the ass...one bite at a time.
If I can stay awake.

Another year nearly gone by...

Christmas was lovely...and exhausting...but lovely nonetheless. It was full of moments containing straight up Christmas joy, (Sam channels Buddy the elf at this time of year) sadness for those who were lost and those left behind, wonder at how these two beautiful boys have grown, random acts of kindness and thankfulness for each other, family and all that we have. I have high hopes for 2013...some big exciting/terrifying changes ahead. But it's good and we're ready and above all we have each other, which is really what matters most in the world. I am thankful...completely and sincerely thankful. Farewell 2012 and Happy New Year to us all.

Christmas morning monkey bread...super easy and crazy delicious.

Teenager

There's that Sammy Christmas spirit...it's positively delightful.

Christmas morning with our boys.
This is what's important, right here.

Sam's new hat...he picked it and bought it himself and I rather like it!

Winter has finally arrived.

Feels like we're inside of a snow globe today. It's lovely.

Pugs aren't really fans of the snow, but these guys seem to be having a good time today.

Sandy Hook weighed heavy on our hearts during the holiday.

Skeeter and I made snowflakes to send to the kids who are heading back to their new school in January. Our little guy is still unaware of this tragedy, but he was more than happy to make snowflakes for the kids in CT...just because. Such a good heart our Sammy has.

Hunkered down, awaiting a bright new year.
Wishing for a much more peaceful world.

Unthinkable...

Oh how my heart aches...just physically hurts. The heaviness feels almost too much to bear at times...and I multiply that by thousands in my mind as I think of those who just yesterday lost their babies...their sons, daughters, wives, mothers, sisters, brothers. I hold my two tighter and closer, feel their warmth, smell their heads and I pray. I send warm thoughts, love and all of the positive energy that I have out into this world. At bedtime I listen to Sammy sing, blissfully unaware of this tragedy, "What A Wonderful World" because that is in fact, how he sees the world. And I love that...I am so so grateful for that simple fact. All the love, prayers and good thoughts to the folks in Newtown.

I love you more than I can ever possibly say...my sweet boys.

Blurry...

It has just been one of those weeks (months, more like)...you know, that started my period, little to no contact with my husband, meltdown Thursday, holy hell the respiratory system is confusing, obscene piles of laundry, pulling four ticks off the dog (gross), eating half a grilled cheese sandwich while standing by the kitchen sink, scrubbing dog poop off little sneakers on our 9 year wedding anniversary while Evan works late, type of weeks. I'm feeling tired today. Taking a quick study break while holed up in the homework room with two snoring dogs. What a week...and the rain didn't do me any favors, but it's sunny today and I am focusing on the things that I love for a moment. Here are 20 things...in random order.

1. Apples and warm cider donuts from the local orchard.
2. Miles is now eye to eye with me...he is quietly stoked...I can tell.

3. Random photos found on my iPad after the boys have been goofing around.
4. Leg warmers...I just bought a pair for $7 at Target and my legs are indeed warm and toasty.

5. Our annual trip to the Halloween pop up store.
6. Watching movies with Miles...he will give any film a chance and I love that he usually ends up liking my recommendations.

7. A little brother beaming because a big brother is coming to see him play soccer for the first time.
8. The Avett Brothers, Guster and Eric Hutchinson...my favorite mix of tunes right now.

9. Brotherly shenanigans.
10. A&P 2...a big honking challenge, but I love it!

11. The sheer unbridled joy that I see in this kid every single day.
12. Sam's gung ho mission to make his room super spooky for Halloween. Mission accomplished...it looks awesome!

13. The shark rock...I loved it as a kid and now my kids love it.
14. Watching Practical Magic at this time of year.

15. Fun photo ops with M.
16. Flannel sheets.

17. Sweet Kiko...the lovey-est dog I've ever met.
18. New Girl and Ben & Kate...my two go-to feel good shows.
19. Candy corn.

20. Nine years of wedded bliss...love of my life, this guy. No one in the world makes me laugh harder, love stronger or just feel straight up happy, the majority of the time.

All good things...very good things, indeed.

And so it begins again...

I am elated, empowered, excited...and all of those other wonderfully positive E words that I've been throwing down around these parts, as of late. School is in and here I sit making flashcards and cramming all sorts of fun anatomy & physiology facts into my cluttered little cortex. I feel amazing because this it it...one full year until I officially dive head first, full time into school and actively changing my path. It's time to plan, simplify and prepare. It's both scary and invigorating at the same time...insert roller coaster metaphor here. And I've never been a fan of them really...they scare the shit out of me. Just the thought of a roller coaster makes me want to throw up and so does this big adventure at times but over all, I am powering through the fear (and nausea) and reminding myself that I am going to kill it in school...or at least I'm going to try! A few snaps below of the end of summer and early fall...

15

Lunch at "Daddy's workshop"

My lunch date.

The view from our table.

Another lunch date with the bean.

Spiderman eating a Batman pop at the Zucchini Festival.

End of the summer trip to Maine. Beach boys.

He looks so grown up to me.

Sammy has adopted the peace sign pose. I think it suits him.

Skim boarder.

Pool time fun...

...sort of anyway.

Beach love.

Trolley love.

Wee little cleats.

Orange Boy...a super helpful study partner.

Back to my beloved books.

Study pugs...they provide excellent moral support. I think that their snoring is a motivational tool.

The best birthday gift.

Sugar fix.

A homework room with a view.

Well said, Julia!
Happy Fall!