Another year nearly gone by...

Christmas was lovely...and exhausting...but lovely nonetheless. It was full of moments containing straight up Christmas joy, (Sam channels Buddy the elf at this time of year) sadness for those who were lost and those left behind, wonder at how these two beautiful boys have grown, random acts of kindness and thankfulness for each other, family and all that we have. I have high hopes for 2013...some big exciting/terrifying changes ahead. But it's good and we're ready and above all we have each other, which is really what matters most in the world. I am thankful...completely and sincerely thankful. Farewell 2012 and Happy New Year to us all.

Christmas morning monkey bread...super easy and crazy delicious.

Teenager

There's that Sammy Christmas spirit...it's positively delightful.

Christmas morning with our boys.
This is what's important, right here.

Sam's new hat...he picked it and bought it himself and I rather like it!

Winter has finally arrived.

Feels like we're inside of a snow globe today. It's lovely.

Pugs aren't really fans of the snow, but these guys seem to be having a good time today.

Sandy Hook weighed heavy on our hearts during the holiday.

Skeeter and I made snowflakes to send to the kids who are heading back to their new school in January. Our little guy is still unaware of this tragedy, but he was more than happy to make snowflakes for the kids in CT...just because. Such a good heart our Sammy has.

Hunkered down, awaiting a bright new year.
Wishing for a much more peaceful world.

Unthinkable...

Oh how my heart aches...just physically hurts. The heaviness feels almost too much to bear at times...and I multiply that by thousands in my mind as I think of those who just yesterday lost their babies...their sons, daughters, wives, mothers, sisters, brothers. I hold my two tighter and closer, feel their warmth, smell their heads and I pray. I send warm thoughts, love and all of the positive energy that I have out into this world. At bedtime I listen to Sammy sing, blissfully unaware of this tragedy, "What A Wonderful World" because that is in fact, how he sees the world. And I love that...I am so so grateful for that simple fact. All the love, prayers and good thoughts to the folks in Newtown.

I love you more than I can ever possibly say...my sweet boys.

Blurry...

It has just been one of those weeks (months, more like)...you know, that started my period, little to no contact with my husband, meltdown Thursday, holy hell the respiratory system is confusing, obscene piles of laundry, pulling four ticks off the dog (gross), eating half a grilled cheese sandwich while standing by the kitchen sink, scrubbing dog poop off little sneakers on our 9 year wedding anniversary while Evan works late, type of weeks. I'm feeling tired today. Taking a quick study break while holed up in the homework room with two snoring dogs. What a week...and the rain didn't do me any favors, but it's sunny today and I am focusing on the things that I love for a moment. Here are 20 things...in random order.

1. Apples and warm cider donuts from the local orchard.
2. Miles is now eye to eye with me...he is quietly stoked...I can tell.

3. Random photos found on my iPad after the boys have been goofing around.
4. Leg warmers...I just bought a pair for $7 at Target and my legs are indeed warm and toasty.

5. Our annual trip to the Halloween pop up store.
6. Watching movies with Miles...he will give any film a chance and I love that he usually ends up liking my recommendations.

7. A little brother beaming because a big brother is coming to see him play soccer for the first time.
8. The Avett Brothers, Guster and Eric Hutchinson...my favorite mix of tunes right now.

9. Brotherly shenanigans.
10. A&P 2...a big honking challenge, but I love it!

11. The sheer unbridled joy that I see in this kid every single day.
12. Sam's gung ho mission to make his room super spooky for Halloween. Mission accomplished...it looks awesome!

13. The shark rock...I loved it as a kid and now my kids love it.
14. Watching Practical Magic at this time of year.

15. Fun photo ops with M.
16. Flannel sheets.

17. Sweet Kiko...the lovey-est dog I've ever met.
18. New Girl and Ben & Kate...my two go-to feel good shows.
19. Candy corn.

20. Nine years of wedded bliss...love of my life, this guy. No one in the world makes me laugh harder, love stronger or just feel straight up happy, the majority of the time.

All good things...very good things, indeed.

And so it begins again...

I am elated, empowered, excited...and all of those other wonderfully positive E words that I've been throwing down around these parts, as of late. School is in and here I sit making flashcards and cramming all sorts of fun anatomy & physiology facts into my cluttered little cortex. I feel amazing because this it it...one full year until I officially dive head first, full time into school and actively changing my path. It's time to plan, simplify and prepare. It's both scary and invigorating at the same time...insert roller coaster metaphor here. And I've never been a fan of them really...they scare the shit out of me. Just the thought of a roller coaster makes me want to throw up and so does this big adventure at times but over all, I am powering through the fear (and nausea) and reminding myself that I am going to kill it in school...or at least I'm going to try! A few snaps below of the end of summer and early fall...

15

Lunch at "Daddy's workshop"

My lunch date.

The view from our table.

Another lunch date with the bean.

Spiderman eating a Batman pop at the Zucchini Festival.

End of the summer trip to Maine. Beach boys.

He looks so grown up to me.

Sammy has adopted the peace sign pose. I think it suits him.

Skim boarder.

Pool time fun...

...sort of anyway.

Beach love.

Trolley love.

Wee little cleats.

Orange Boy...a super helpful study partner.

Back to my beloved books.

Study pugs...they provide excellent moral support. I think that their snoring is a motivational tool.

The best birthday gift.

Sugar fix.

A homework room with a view.

Well said, Julia!
Happy Fall!

Absorbing...

This is my project right now...processing a serious case of separation anxiety. Miles left this morning for a week long hiking trip in the Adirondack mountains with a handful of members from his youth group. It's his first big trip away from home...and it is literally, a week in the wilderness. I think it's an amazing opportunity and I am incredibly excited for him. On the flip side of that, it has also kicked my mother bear instinct into serious overdrive...let's just say that I look alright in appearance, but I am a big screaming mess on the inside. Assisted most helpfully by a raging case of pms, I have been struggling since this past Wednesday to absorb and recover from the emotional tidal wave that knocked me off of my feet when I dropped him off. This trip is based in CT through the church that M attends with his dad, stepmom, little brother and sister. I've been keeping myself in the loop through e mail exchanges and phone calls with the group leader and then this past Wednesday, I took the day off and volunteered to help with driving during the group's team day out. It's the first time that I've had the opportunity to drive all the way out there and spend time around the folks that M is with on his weekends in CT. It felt great to meet everyone, see where M's dad's house is and to represent myself in person. It was a really good day and it helped put me a little more at ease about this trip. The group leader is awesome and so are the kids who are taking part in this adventure. Miles will be in very good company. So when the time came to hug my boy and send him on his way, I held on tight and tried not to cry so as not to embarrass him. Miles was a cuddly little guy when he was little...always right by my side, very lovey and there was a time when not a day went by that I didn't hear "you're the best mommy in the world". Long gone are those days...he now speaks with a deep, strong voice, he looks like a young man, and I'm lucky if I get a one armed hug now. Sometimes I seriously think that he is physically wrestling with his fight or flight response when I request/demand one. And that's ok...I'll take that one armed hug from my teenager who is really something of an old soul...but I miss those monkey hugs and all of that sweet little boy love. I know it's still in there, somewhere though. As he walked away from me, toward his friends and a pick up football game, I felt as if I were consciously focused on keeping my feet planted right on that spot, there in the church parking lot...resisting some insane maternal urge to tackle my kid and drag him back into my arms. I'm sure it won't be the last time that I feel that way. Letting my kids spread their wings is one of the hardest things ever, but it's coupled with such a strong sense of pride in them and joy for them. And so off he goes into the woods and I will be both thrilled for him and counting the days until he is back at home and safe with me.

Then...

...and now.
Have a safe trip my teenager...I love you.

Neglected...

...my blog, in one word. So here's the skinny from around these parts...it has been a super busy handful of months here. School ended for the boys and I, Evan embarked on a new chef job and now we're knee deep in summer, which somehow seems a bit more hectic than the school year. I think there's something about the busy flow of the fall, winter and spring that almost makes things feel simpler...comfort in the routine I guess. But summer is great too and we've been up to all sorts of things. Some snaps and recaps of life in our family for the past little while...

Tuesday Grandma and I took the skeeter to the Boston Aquarium a while back. There was a bit of a shark shortage (I think we maybe saw three teeny guys in the ray tank) but we still had a blast.

And Sammy met this guy right here.

Boston in the spring is incredible.

Gorgeous.

A whoopee pie for the kiddo.

Yummy...I could barely get him to give me one bite.

Mom and me...

...and our little sidekick.

Right before we hopped in the car to head home.

The last day of school calls for the polo/clip on tie combo. Definitely.

A coconut cake for daddy's 41st. I love Paula Deen.

A perfect shot of their personalities. This is right before M headed off for two weeks with his dad.

Summer chop...as usual, I love/hate it. Hair this short prompts me to wear a lot of lipstick, dresses and florals.

Cute

We were invited to a cowgirl/boy themed birthday party.

Sleepy Orange Boy and Kiko.

A visit with uncle Doug, aunt Cheryl and Kiko's brother, Mugsy.

And look who just turned 7.

It's a big year!

Our birthday boy.

So we spent the whole day together...just my Sam and me. This is his birthday outfit of choice.

We started our day with a trip to the mall...first stop...soft pretzel stand.

Then, on to build a bear.

Giving his new pal a scrub.

And then we snatched up this awesome pair of aviators from the dollar store...

...to match this guy's. Meet John the fox.

Sam's first root beer float.

Contemplating why this is only the first time he has ever had one of these.

Yes...well, this certainly won't be the last time...thought Sam to himself.
This day was a total blast. It is impossible not to get sucked up into the sheer joy that this kid exudes...everyday really...but especially on a day that he knows is just for him. His excitement is beyond infectious.

Hooray...M is home!

Just in time for Sammy's friend party...complete with shark cupcakes.

He ate two.

Sugar shock?

So good to have our teenager back with us...if only for a handful of days before he's off on his next summer adventure.

The standard Miles photo pose.

Post birthday party Lego building. I just love when we are all four, under one roof.

I could just eat this kid up.

S'more session.

S'more sword fight?

Fire!

Dude.

De-licious. And this is where my recap comes to a close. More fun ahead, no doubt! Happy summer!