Homecoming...

This past summer was a complete blur and the ultimate lesson in patience, perseverance, and the importance of timing. I only just last night realized that I haven't written anything here since February and so many important things have happened. I'll nutshell it. School for me wrapped up in May...the last of my pre requisites, with the exception of physics (more on that later, as I am in my own personal conceptual physics hell right now). Summer kicked into gear for Miles and Sam in June...we packed in a ton including Sam's first, day camp experience (a roaring success), M traveled with his dad, stepmom and little brother and sister...so lots of beach time, sea kayaking, his first time surfing and as much parkour as possible...the kid amazes me. On top of that we celebrated birthday month (July) with 8, 16, and 40 trips around the sun, respectively. It was a big summer...and now here we all in the midst of fall.

School has begun for all three of us, Evan is our rock working diligently and providing truckloads of support and encouragement. Sam couldn't love school more...he is still the happiest kid I know and he is enhancing his school experience by joining the chorus. I can't think of one day when our little songbird hasn't walked through our house singing. I love seeing him stretch his wings and finding joy in the things that he loves. Junior year of high school is a grind and I can't say that M is finding any joy in it...other than when he's in his art or photography class. But I do see him making time for the things that he loves the most...film, open gym time for parkour practice, his friends and really, just being a kid. It's all fleeting and it makes me happy to see that he's living in the moment and enjoying 16.

And me...I made it. I am finally immersed in my program of study...my future, and all that I can say is that it feels like coming home. I loved the nursing program that I was in, some twenty plus years ago. I was good at it...it felt like where I should be. I would have been a really good nurse. And now I will strive to become a really good PTA. Healthcare is where I should be and I feel my heart, mind...and I'll go as far as the universe, confirming that for me in these past couple of years. More so in these past few months though. It's a brave new world and despite a handful of meltdowns last week, I am embracing the challenges one by one. Aside from my school schedule, every day is different. I am sitting by myself, at Panera, midday while I write this and that makes me feel giddy. I love the change. Even when it's scary, I know that I am grounded, loved, supported and capable of pulling this off. I am empowered.

Junior year

Second grade

College...round two.

Entrenched and happy.

The very best year for a fresh start, in my humble opinion.

Absorbing...

This is my project right now...processing a serious case of separation anxiety. Miles left this morning for a week long hiking trip in the Adirondack mountains with a handful of members from his youth group. It's his first big trip away from home...and it is literally, a week in the wilderness. I think it's an amazing opportunity and I am incredibly excited for him. On the flip side of that, it has also kicked my mother bear instinct into serious overdrive...let's just say that I look alright in appearance, but I am a big screaming mess on the inside. Assisted most helpfully by a raging case of pms, I have been struggling since this past Wednesday to absorb and recover from the emotional tidal wave that knocked me off of my feet when I dropped him off. This trip is based in CT through the church that M attends with his dad, stepmom, little brother and sister. I've been keeping myself in the loop through e mail exchanges and phone calls with the group leader and then this past Wednesday, I took the day off and volunteered to help with driving during the group's team day out. It's the first time that I've had the opportunity to drive all the way out there and spend time around the folks that M is with on his weekends in CT. It felt great to meet everyone, see where M's dad's house is and to represent myself in person. It was a really good day and it helped put me a little more at ease about this trip. The group leader is awesome and so are the kids who are taking part in this adventure. Miles will be in very good company. So when the time came to hug my boy and send him on his way, I held on tight and tried not to cry so as not to embarrass him. Miles was a cuddly little guy when he was little...always right by my side, very lovey and there was a time when not a day went by that I didn't hear "you're the best mommy in the world". Long gone are those days...he now speaks with a deep, strong voice, he looks like a young man, and I'm lucky if I get a one armed hug now. Sometimes I seriously think that he is physically wrestling with his fight or flight response when I request/demand one. And that's ok...I'll take that one armed hug from my teenager who is really something of an old soul...but I miss those monkey hugs and all of that sweet little boy love. I know it's still in there, somewhere though. As he walked away from me, toward his friends and a pick up football game, I felt as if I were consciously focused on keeping my feet planted right on that spot, there in the church parking lot...resisting some insane maternal urge to tackle my kid and drag him back into my arms. I'm sure it won't be the last time that I feel that way. Letting my kids spread their wings is one of the hardest things ever, but it's coupled with such a strong sense of pride in them and joy for them. And so off he goes into the woods and I will be both thrilled for him and counting the days until he is back at home and safe with me.

Then...

...and now.
Have a safe trip my teenager...I love you.

All he wants for Christmas...

Another milestone for the bean. He's so cute, I could just eat him up!

The adventure begins...

Here it comes...the first day of school has finally crept up on me and I am so effing happy that the wait is over. The anticipation has done a number on me. I know that if I can get started and find my groove, I will manage just fine. Bring it on, life in general...I am ready to stretch my comfort zone a bit.

Winter seems to have finally arrived here. It's lovely, sparkly and white out. M just took his first ski lesson today and the kid is killing it on the slopes. He's a natural and I love that he has found a winter activity that he's really into.

The ol' radiator is working overtime at the moment. Hats and mittens, warm and toasty for the next outing.

The homework room has shaped up quite nicely...a little bit of reorganization and furniture swapping and now we have a new area for anyone in this house who needs a quiet spot. I feel like I've been nesting for the past few weeks...getting everything ready. It's all pretty exciting really.

The thinking chair has been with us since Miles was three, thanks to Uncle Chris. This seems to be the perfect spot for it now...a place for skeeter to keep me company while I hit the books.

And so here I go...changing my path with my three little birds by my side...keeping it all as simple as possible.
Happy weekend!

City mouse...

Last spring, my mom and I conspired to give our little country mouse his very first taste of the big city. Miles has been to NYC a handful of times but it has been a while, so we decided on a day trip for this fall. Yesterday, very early morning, we all rose and hopped the train for a day of adventure. It's funny...somehow I really expected that Sammy would be awestruck by the size of New York. I pictured his eyes growing wide and his little chin dropping as we stepped off of the train into Grand Central, but he walked right into our day with all of the comfort and ease that he shows in just about any situation that comes his way. It was pretty amazing really. Needless to say, we had a blast. I have two really awesome boys...they're easy going, funny, observant and sweet. They look after each other and I love that. Not once did either of them complain about blocks and blocks of walking. It was a very good day...some snaps below.

Waiting patiently for Tuesday Grandma and Louie to pick us up.

A bright, sunny morning on the train.

Conspiring perhaps?

When I was little, I always thought that my mom was the most beautiful woman in the world.
And I still do.

He had this sweet little smile on his face for at least the first half hour of the train ride.

My littlest love and I.

Our first stop...the kid can't ever pass up a soft pretzel. And apparently pretzel/hot dog vendors love Sam. We seriously passed at least three of them that shook his hand, gave high fives and one even gave him a free bottle of water because I guess he looked thirsty?

Miles went for a good 'ol NYC dog.

M just saw Ghostbusters for the first time, so we couldn't pass up a shot of the library.

Sam was completely preoccupied by every fire hydrant we passed. Yeah...I don't know either.

It looks like they're peeing here but they're really just investigating a giant hole.

Sam at the park.

M at the park.

Who can pass up Mickey and Minnie?

Buzz was his favorite though. Pretty much anyone dressed as a Disney Character was stoked to see us heading their way that day.

Why yes...actually I am.

These guys were amazing...we took a cd home with us.

Sammy soaking up the music.

A tip for the guys.

Teenager in the city.

Tuesday Grandma and Louie

Times Square

Three of my absolute favorites!

525,600 minutes...

I didn't even notice the sign behind him when I took this, but smile he did...that is until he took a header about three seconds after we left the store and his M&M's scattered all over the sidewalk. M&M store...take two!

Our final stop...the Nintendo store. All sorts of fun here!

A big day of walking...and really, not one complaint.

Back on the train and headed home. A very good day, indeed.

Indian summer on the east coast...

It's straight up gorgeous here this weekend...sunny, dry and warm. Not terribly crispy and fall like, but I'll take it, as this just might be the last little warm spell of the year. You never really can tell about the weather around here...it's not unheard of to see a little snow in October...we had flurries on Halloween last year. Anyway...I digress...this weekend...another one spent with my sidekick Skeeter. Ev works on Saturday's...Sunday this weekend as well with it being a holiday...and M spends a lot of weekend time with his dad. So Sam and I get a lot of time together...just the two of us and I have to say that he's a blast to hang out with. I never planned on an eight year gap between my kids but in a lot of ways, I really love it. Our unconventionally, big, blended family scenario, allows for what most second borns don't get a ton of...that precious one on one time that comes easily to a first born. So for as much as I miss Miles when he's not here with us, and it never feels quite complete around here when the house is one kid quieter, I feel happy that Sammy is also getting a good dose of my undivided attention on many weekends.
Today we got off to a slow start...I somehow threw my neck out while sleeping on Thursday night and after some really insane muscle spasms, a trip to the chiropractor, a couple of rounds of 800 mg of motrin and half a bottle of red wine (just as good, I'm sure, as a muscle relaxer would have been) I was not moving all that quickly this morning. I don't think you ever really appreciate range of motion until you don't have it. Anyway...my neck seems to be loosening up now, so Sammy and I puttered around the house, shared a late breakfast and then headed off into town for library, lunch and some exploring. When we arrived home, he introduced me to his imaginary friend, Sor Nordson (we think he might be Norwegian?)...they were sword fighting. And right now I'm listening to them having a conversation on the swing set fort. Sounds like they get along famously. How I love that kid. Oh...and worth noting...M shaved for the first time on Friday. I will refrain from elaborating on this any further, as I have been instructed to not make any kind of a big deal over this. Therefore, I will suppress the tsunami of maternal emotion that pretty much knocked me on my ass yesterday. See there...I've said too much. And so I will move on now to some snaps from this past week and this lovely summery day.

Skippy the reluctant did indeed hatch when he was good and ready...just like Sammy told us he would.

It took three attempts before he was ready to fly off on his own...this was our first try.

Either Evan or I sit with Sam at homework time. Unfortunately, I failed to notice that he subbed in a T for an N in the word tin...thus making the sentence read like this. We roared when we saw this after the fact...so did his teacher.

Puzzle time at the library.

Lunch outside.

Delicious

Mango yogurt induced euphoria.

My sweet little sidekick.

Any day now and this tooth is coming out.

A bag full of library loot.

Sam's not scared.

A quick visit with the ducks.

I really love our little town.

Here he comes...

...and there he goes.

Driveway snowboarding.

Perhaps the last few days for sock free feet.

Dessert