Homecoming...

This past summer was a complete blur and the ultimate lesson in patience, perseverance, and the importance of timing. I only just last night realized that I haven't written anything here since February and so many important things have happened. I'll nutshell it. School for me wrapped up in May...the last of my pre requisites, with the exception of physics (more on that later, as I am in my own personal conceptual physics hell right now). Summer kicked into gear for Miles and Sam in June...we packed in a ton including Sam's first, day camp experience (a roaring success), M traveled with his dad, stepmom and little brother and sister...so lots of beach time, sea kayaking, his first time surfing and as much parkour as possible...the kid amazes me. On top of that we celebrated birthday month (July) with 8, 16, and 40 trips around the sun, respectively. It was a big summer...and now here we all in the midst of fall.

School has begun for all three of us, Evan is our rock working diligently and providing truckloads of support and encouragement. Sam couldn't love school more...he is still the happiest kid I know and he is enhancing his school experience by joining the chorus. I can't think of one day when our little songbird hasn't walked through our house singing. I love seeing him stretch his wings and finding joy in the things that he loves. Junior year of high school is a grind and I can't say that M is finding any joy in it...other than when he's in his art or photography class. But I do see him making time for the things that he loves the most...film, open gym time for parkour practice, his friends and really, just being a kid. It's all fleeting and it makes me happy to see that he's living in the moment and enjoying 16.

And me...I made it. I am finally immersed in my program of study...my future, and all that I can say is that it feels like coming home. I loved the nursing program that I was in, some twenty plus years ago. I was good at it...it felt like where I should be. I would have been a really good nurse. And now I will strive to become a really good PTA. Healthcare is where I should be and I feel my heart, mind...and I'll go as far as the universe, confirming that for me in these past couple of years. More so in these past few months though. It's a brave new world and despite a handful of meltdowns last week, I am embracing the challenges one by one. Aside from my school schedule, every day is different. I am sitting by myself, at Panera, midday while I write this and that makes me feel giddy. I love the change. Even when it's scary, I know that I am grounded, loved, supported and capable of pulling this off. I am empowered.

Junior year

Second grade

College...round two.

Entrenched and happy.

The very best year for a fresh start, in my humble opinion.

And so it begins again...

I am elated, empowered, excited...and all of those other wonderfully positive E words that I've been throwing down around these parts, as of late. School is in and here I sit making flashcards and cramming all sorts of fun anatomy & physiology facts into my cluttered little cortex. I feel amazing because this it it...one full year until I officially dive head first, full time into school and actively changing my path. It's time to plan, simplify and prepare. It's both scary and invigorating at the same time...insert roller coaster metaphor here. And I've never been a fan of them really...they scare the shit out of me. Just the thought of a roller coaster makes me want to throw up and so does this big adventure at times but over all, I am powering through the fear (and nausea) and reminding myself that I am going to kill it in school...or at least I'm going to try! A few snaps below of the end of summer and early fall...

15

Lunch at "Daddy's workshop"

My lunch date.

The view from our table.

Another lunch date with the bean.

Spiderman eating a Batman pop at the Zucchini Festival.

End of the summer trip to Maine. Beach boys.

He looks so grown up to me.

Sammy has adopted the peace sign pose. I think it suits him.

Skim boarder.

Pool time fun...

...sort of anyway.

Beach love.

Trolley love.

Wee little cleats.

Orange Boy...a super helpful study partner.

Back to my beloved books.

Study pugs...they provide excellent moral support. I think that their snoring is a motivational tool.

The best birthday gift.

Sugar fix.

A homework room with a view.

Well said, Julia!
Happy Fall!

Absorbing...

This is my project right now...processing a serious case of separation anxiety. Miles left this morning for a week long hiking trip in the Adirondack mountains with a handful of members from his youth group. It's his first big trip away from home...and it is literally, a week in the wilderness. I think it's an amazing opportunity and I am incredibly excited for him. On the flip side of that, it has also kicked my mother bear instinct into serious overdrive...let's just say that I look alright in appearance, but I am a big screaming mess on the inside. Assisted most helpfully by a raging case of pms, I have been struggling since this past Wednesday to absorb and recover from the emotional tidal wave that knocked me off of my feet when I dropped him off. This trip is based in CT through the church that M attends with his dad, stepmom, little brother and sister. I've been keeping myself in the loop through e mail exchanges and phone calls with the group leader and then this past Wednesday, I took the day off and volunteered to help with driving during the group's team day out. It's the first time that I've had the opportunity to drive all the way out there and spend time around the folks that M is with on his weekends in CT. It felt great to meet everyone, see where M's dad's house is and to represent myself in person. It was a really good day and it helped put me a little more at ease about this trip. The group leader is awesome and so are the kids who are taking part in this adventure. Miles will be in very good company. So when the time came to hug my boy and send him on his way, I held on tight and tried not to cry so as not to embarrass him. Miles was a cuddly little guy when he was little...always right by my side, very lovey and there was a time when not a day went by that I didn't hear "you're the best mommy in the world". Long gone are those days...he now speaks with a deep, strong voice, he looks like a young man, and I'm lucky if I get a one armed hug now. Sometimes I seriously think that he is physically wrestling with his fight or flight response when I request/demand one. And that's ok...I'll take that one armed hug from my teenager who is really something of an old soul...but I miss those monkey hugs and all of that sweet little boy love. I know it's still in there, somewhere though. As he walked away from me, toward his friends and a pick up football game, I felt as if I were consciously focused on keeping my feet planted right on that spot, there in the church parking lot...resisting some insane maternal urge to tackle my kid and drag him back into my arms. I'm sure it won't be the last time that I feel that way. Letting my kids spread their wings is one of the hardest things ever, but it's coupled with such a strong sense of pride in them and joy for them. And so off he goes into the woods and I will be both thrilled for him and counting the days until he is back at home and safe with me.

Then...

...and now.
Have a safe trip my teenager...I love you.

A quick breather...

At last, a tiny pocket of time to post a few words and pics. The past few weeks have been crazy with a capital C-R-A-Z-Y. Just the usual mishmash of kiddos, work, school, late night studying, early morning studying...you name it. It's enough to make a gal dizzy and so I'm happy to finally have a few minutes for a long overdue post here.

Sleepy self portrait. Someone get this girl a cup of coffee!

We kicked off this week with a little egg coloring session. The blank canvases...

Gentlemen...start your engines.

Skeeter is ready.

And even at almost 15, M is still up for coloring. I love how precise his method is now that he's older.

Egg coloring...it's serious business.

And there it is...the "please quit taking my picture" pose.

Getting coloring tips from the teenager.

Brother bongos. They make me laugh...I love their relationship. Don't get me wrong...they annoy the heck out of each other but there is a ton of love there too. M has been taking Sam on little trips to town lately. M takes his bike and Sam rides his scooter...and they go to the little town market for a snack and then to the park. This is a BIG deal. I have never seen Sam beam so brightly when he knows that he'll be hanging with his big brother. It's so sweet, it makes me hurt a little.

Penguin brothers. The one on the right is M's from first grade art class and the left guy, Sammy just brought home last week. Easily, my two favorite works of art in this house.

Miles spent the weekend in CT and Sam and I headed for the town egg hunt on Saturday morning.

Happy Sam

Partners in crime.

Egg eggs...and more eggs.

Ready, set...

...and there's the final haul.

High five Easter Bunny.

He made this exact same face in the bunny shot, last year too.

Thanks Easter Bunny!

Mmmmmmmarshmallowwww

This spinach, onion, egg and cheese pie was insane. There was hardly a sliver left by then end of the day.

I find it moderately schmaltzy to wear my words, but I saw this necklace the other day and it just plain spoke to me. I love this sentiment and this is what we're practicing around here, these days. It's the year to take some risks and make some solid changes...so I feel kind of inspired, wearing this close to my heart.
So far, the ride has been a little scary, but more so exciting and unexpectedly empowering. I'm digging the change. Happy week peeps.